Mothers Against Masturbation

Mothers Against Masturbation

A few weeks ago, I was a much happier, if not naive mother of a wonderful
teenage boy. But all that changed in the blinking of an eye when I discovered
the worst horror a mother could ever discover. My son is a masturbator.

For the past couple of months I'd been noticing strange behavior. Normally when
he is around the house he is a pretty intense nervous guy. But lately he has
seemed so nonchalant, and has shown a very relaxed, laid-back approach to life.
Then I started noticing strange changes around the house. Every time he stayed up
late, the same three things happened the next morning. The TV was always left on
the same channel, and always at a low volume. Low enough that you'd have to be
sitting close to hear the voice, or music. The Internet history and windows
documents list is always wiped clean, and the monthly toilet paper bill has
nearly tripled in size in the last three months.

I knew something wasn't right. So one night, I decided to sneak downstairs while
he was staying up late. I crept into the computer and TV area when I heard him
walk out of the room. I entered, and Sodom and Gomorrah immediately started
pointing and laughing at me. The reason he was up late, is because he was on a
late night pornography binge! The lustful faces of the sinister Jezebels
stared at me from all corners of the room. I had failed as a mother!!!

Presently my son, Conner (not his real name), walked back into the room with a
dirty old sock in his hand. He tried to hide it, but I was too angry to let him
do any such a thing. I beat him to within an inch of his life, and then sent him
to stand outside while he thought about what he had done. I couldn't prove it,
but I knew within my heart of hearts that he was pleasuring himself in an
immoral fashion.

In a way, I almost don't blame him. Masturbation is glorified to such a
ridiculous extent in the media, it is a wonder not everyone is masturbating.
Such a world would be a terrible place. It is for this reason, I have embarked
on a, "Mothers Against Masturbation", campaign.

First, let me start off with the obvious. Why is masturbation wrong?

I liken masturbation unto a train. A train which gradually grows faster and more
deadly by the hour. The fuel for this train? None other than pornography.
Pornography often seems innocent and unharmful, but do not be deceived by the
lustful seeds of the devil. Masturbation is bad because it changes our perception
of women. As the pornography addict gets further into his cycle he needs a
bigger hit of more stimulating, more "hardcore" pornography, to whet his sexual
appetite. This increased sexual appetite cannot help but carry over to all other
areas of his life. A common scenario goes something like this:

Boy is a straight A+ student.
Boy discovers pornography.
Boy starts using degrading words such as, bitch, ho, and slut.
Boy starts downloading large amounts of hardcore pornography from the Internet.
Boy starts to abuse women.
Boy writes about masturbation on the Internet.
Boy ****s his own mother.

Such a scenario may seem outrageous, but rest assured, this is not only common,
this is considered socially acceptable everywhere outside of The United States.
Not only that, masturbation was behind the fall of the Roman Empire. You think
the barbarians are at the gate? They are already riding in your busses, going to
your schools, and eating in your restaurants. Make no mistake, the barbarians
are no longer outside. They are your own ****ren, living in your homes!!!

Time Magazine reports that, " Every person that has ever killed another human
being has masturbated at some point in their life usually within days of the
crime". If that isn't enough to send a shiver through your entire body, I don't
know what is.

I looked in my son's dresser drawer, and there was direct evidence of this
cycle. Starting from the bottom of the nude woman magazine pile, Sports
Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, FHM, Stuff, Maxim, GQ, Playboy, Penthouse, Clit
Collector, Pestilence Pussy Pleasers, and finally, on top of the pile, Morbid
Underage Gangbangs, featuring none other than Hillary Duff. The ones at the
bottom of the pile were the old ones, not needed anymore, put away to make room
for a growing sexual appetite.

I knew I had to take action. Knowing it was now, in his time of despair he was a
ticking time bomb, just laying in wait, wanting to express his anger in a
physical way. I followed him to the mall. He looked at a few girls, trying to
look all nonchalant. I knew out of instinct he was fantasizing about them. Then,
not at all surprisingly he told me he had to use the washroom. At first I let
him go, then I realized what his real scheme was. I took his wallet, and made
him empty the change from his pockets. I know they sell condoms in washrooms. I
for one do not want to risk him having tools of sexual immorality.I must disarm
him by all means necessary and possible.

We went home and he thought he was being so smart. While we were out, I had
looking panels installed in the bathroom doors, and i mixed sand in the hand
lotion so that he cannot use it to pleasure himself with. I have also placed him
on a strict, no chocolate diet. I think I know better than anyone that chocolate
stimulates sexual thoughts within the body. I would not have his body controlled
by sexy robots!

He is currently sleeping in my room, with chains on of course. I won't have him
thrusting himself upon me when nature calls. In case he has managed to perfect
the art of silence, I prefer to place a layer of Styrofoam padding under his
bed sheet so that i can hear any sudden and intent movements during the night.
Any time he is out of my sight for more than 30 seconds (30 seconds is all it
takes folks), I take his temperature, twice. First is the thermometer in the
mouth. Often during and after masturbation, the heart rate increases and the
body temperature can keep a body warm for hours. I also employ the use of a
rectal thermometer that measures the pressure of the prostate gland to determine
if it is well stocked. That one is inescapable, and he seems to enjoy it too.

How can I know if my **** is masturbating, and what can I do to stop it?

The most simple way is to carefully smell his unwashed boxer shorts. If
necessary, don't be afraid to taste it. Don't shake your head in disgust, after
all, we are all mothers, and we've obviously tasted it on more than just a few
occasions.

An excellent way to discourage him. Don't let him listen to rap music. It's
slow, steady rhythms are bound to remind him of slow, steady sex, or
masturbation. It is also advisable to also keep the thrash metal at a distance,
as that leads to nothing but ferocious masturbation. My personal recommendations
for happy, non-masturbating ****ren are any Creed, Linkin Park, or Three Days
Grace.

Thank you.
(reprint from 2004)

Poor boy
He would have had even more fun if his mother gave him to an buddhist monastery at the age of five.

Thanks for this funny lines
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Loui375 wrote:
Hey! No fair singling us out! LOL
Check this out.

Everytime you masturbate, Buddha saves a kitten from cyclic existence.

Sorry, RagingBuddhist

That's a nice article, so i better should have written "catholic monastery".

But i would really like to see the network-logs of vatican city ...
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> Amateurs | > Handjobs | JAV Movies

Yeah - masturbation is bad. Altar boys, on the other hand...

-- she should count her luck stars, I her case, what's worst than a MASTURBATOR --- A 'MOTHERFUCKER'!!!!

The son should be eligible for parole in 2020.

I need a drink...

God I hope this article was a fake for laughs. If not, we must liberate that guy!

I saw it five years ago. Thought it was time to re-post it. He may have moved out of his mother's house by now

That was such a brutal read that I couldn't stop reading it. Well done.

Shocking - don't serial killers claim this type of upbringing!

Yes. I just drowned some muesli.

I read that in some of the east european countries as well as in scandinavia like sweden they are thinking of outlawing masturbation because there are soo many beautiful girls that everyone should have a chance to share and fuck one at least once a day....they may even begin social programs where people rent out their daughters for the good cause to help keep some poor boys and men from masturbating.... i mean look what this has done for the former Rolling Stones band member who is like 60 and had an 18 yo girlfriend!! Outstanding!

The first time I masturbated was to a sex manual that I found in my Mother's closet...