Quote: I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.
So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analog." I
said "No, just a watch."
I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a stereo." The
bloke said "Kenwood." I said, "Where can I find him?"
I phoned the local ramblers club today, and this bloke just went on and on.
My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?? I said "I
wouldn't do it if you paid me."
So I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having
me on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising
you anything."
I phoned the local builders today, I said to them "Can I have a skip
outside my house?" He said, "I'm not stopping you!"
So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull
goes first." He went "Baah" and I went "Moo". He said "You're closest."
I bought a train ticket and the driver said "Eurostar." I said "Well
I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin."
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the
splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays
or Thursdays."
So I went to the local video shop and I said, "Can I take out The
Elephant Man?" He said, "He's not your type." I said "How about Batman
Forever?" He said, "No, you'll have to bring him back tomorrow".
